can’t hold my bf right now…
A year ago i would have never guessed my life would be the way it is today… but i sure have to say, is better than i have ever imagined.
i always wondered a lot about life and its meaning. As a child, i used to spend a lot of time reading books and thinking. trying to understand why. Why did i get born? why i am i here? …since i was about 5 years old, that questions have been flying around my head, and yeah still got no answer for them, i just happen to get more and more questions. “what is my task in life?” “is it written or i write it?” “does someone else chooses for me, or actually i get to choose?” “whats happiness made of?, do you get tiny bites of it, or once it comes in, never leaves?” well… what started being two questions about…my place in life, ended up being just the beginning of all the questions.
I guess… the more you grow, the more complicated it gets.
why is being happy so hard? why are we scared of things? does being scared keeps us from being happy? ….cause no matter who you are, you always have something to be scared at, something to lose.
i have lost the count, of how many times I’ve tried to take the easy way and ”not give a fuck” well.. i have failed. i do care, and i guess i care too much.
Since i can remember my head has been so full, i find so many ways of explaining what i think, for some it gets boring, other find it “interesting” and very few just care about what i have to say…
All this introduction was to come down to this point, i thought about something else lately. a subject that had crashed my mind in many occasions… and i have to admit, not in the best way: love.
I have always wanted to find a special someone…someone to share, to be happy with, to have those little inside jokes, to laugh with, to hold, to tell a secret…and i might sound like a hopeless romantic, but yeah actually someone to spend my life with.
Now i met someone who has changed my views on life, he someone who has struggled in different ways than i have, we have had a complete different life in different countries too, yet i know i can learn a lot of things from him and maybe i can teach him a thing or two. feels like I’ve found my missing piece (and yes, this sounds so cliché but… there’s no other way to explain it).
i tell him i love him everyday, tho i bet he has no idea how proud i am of him and how much i admire him, he is really the best person i have ever met and i’m so grateful he came into my life. i would be the happiest person alive if i get married to him, there’s no other like him.
He fits just so perfect and surely the best thing that ever happened to me. He got this way of always being right…he tries as much as i do, i feel safe with him, i know i can tell him anything and like he says, hes not good with “pitty words” and he rather just drop the thing and go get a “toast” lol… but at the end of he day he’s listening, he cares, he remembers and he loves.
This is not like a “oh i’m in love let’s scream to the world how this is perfect” note. cause for me the word
perfect is just overrated (something i kinda learn from him), nothing is perfect. And in our relationship we got so many imperfections: we cant be together right now and i have to wait 5 more months to see him and of course we have our fights sometimes. I think what makes us great is that what we feel for each other is real, our fights get handled with care making us stronger and able to get through them, being together in good or bad days, supporting each other, and choosing the hard way so we can get the “pot of gold at the end of the rainbow”.
You know what they say, best things in life don’t come for free. this is definitely not coming for free to me but is definitely worth it, its gonna take, time, faith, love, patience, and traveling.
At the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, i’m turning my dreams into plans.
i have been a little bit worried lately…
need to find peace. i think ill get it until December… any magical think to make time run faster? please…
“Yes, that’s it! Said the Hatter with a sigh, it’s always tea time.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland